Following my dreams make me feel very exhausted. Lately. Since I was a little girl, I loved to make my dreams come true. I was motivated and ambitious.

I am from Morocco. From a moderate, traditional and religious family. When I was a child, I dreamed of continuing my undergraduate in Europe, especially in London, but my father didn’t agree.

Therefore, I studied in my home city,  a subject I did not dream of. I got my degree and I worked in an international company for 6 years. I was happy there but the dream to study psychology never left my mind or heart. 

Therefore, I decided to quit my job and travel to another city and continue with my studies,  even though my family did not agree to this. 

I decided to follow my dream. I got my bachelor’s degree in psychology with good marks. But that wasn’t enough. 

My dream to continue my study abroad came back to my head. I registered online,  onto as many universities and institutions in Europe, hoping for a chance. One day a representatives of one of these institutions called me and informed me that he could help me  find a good University in the UK.

I apologised and said I couldn’t afford studying in the UK, because it is too expensive. I also informed him that I would apply for an affordable university in Belgium. He said he would find me a good offer.

After that, he sent me an offer of £11,809 for a pre-master. He convinced me that he gave me a good offer and I shouldn’t lose it. Due to  my excitement I didn’t check the details with him properly. 

I thought the masters was included in the offer, because every time he talked to me, he talked about the masters. 

Now I am here, in London,  but the dream this time is not as I imagined. Just last month I was shocked when  my colleague informed me that I still have £15,000 more to pay, which is due next September, in order to study the masters! 

I don’t have this money.  I already spent a lot in the university and for the accommodation. I really want to continue my studying but it’s too difficult. 

I am now 35 years old. How can I  go back to my country without a degree? What can I say to my family?

I’ve entered a phase of grief. I feel anxiety, sorrow and anger. What did I do wrong? Since I’ve been here, I faced many surprises. London is not a solution but a hard experience. 

I understand the meaning of my religion, family and loneliness. I understand  that you have no one, except just your creator. I understand that when abroad or in alienation you will be tested with your patience and strength.

 I have never cried so much as  I do here. Some people say London is for rich people! Is it true that studying is just for rich people? What about the others?

I tried looking for solutions, especially within my community.  I looked for a scholarship. I knocked on many doors. Some organisations said we don’t help students but we help feed people.  

What about feeding brains? The Quran came with ‘Iqra’ not with ‘eat’. Each year, rich people feed several people, but does our situation change?

No, for sure it doesn’t! We should feed our brains, because our brains will make a change. We should remember the Chinese proverb: “Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day, teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.”

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